For those of us who have to squat to pee outside, here are some tips on how to accomplish this with minimal discomfit.
1. Pick a non-splash surface. Sand is ideal, being smooth and exceptionally absorbent. A rough surface of rocks or loose leaf litter risks spray splattering in unexpected directions.
2. Don’t have your feet downstream of the flow. This sounds obvious but sometimes when you’re tired or you’re doing a wee under pressure, e.g. when you’re not sure whether people might suddenly pop around the corner, identifying which direction is downstream can get overlooked.
3. Wear your boots not your sandals. The boots can cope with some wee spatter, but the sandals leave your feet exposed.
4. Have some soft leaves handy for a wipe down. No matter how good you are at shaking your bootie, there’ll always be a few stray drops. Rangiora, pate and wineberry leaves are all soft on the privates but even a handful of grass will do in a pinch.
5. Don’t let the fear of peeing outside stop you drinking enough during the walk. Better an accidental exposure than a day of dehydration. Most people have seen a bare bottom before and if they inadvertently stumble across yours, are generally polite enough to avert their eyes. If this does happen, play it cool and pretend that nothing untoward has occurred. If you have a walking companion, put them to use as a scout/ diversion to warn of approaching humanity and stall them wherever possible. This may not work as well with children, but then children are more likely to find humour than offence in a toiletry indiscretion.